Community (noun): a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. Also: a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

At face value both of those definitions of community kinda make sense, don’t they? As I apply them to my own life, however, they don’t quite fit and I suspect I’m not alone in this. The issue is that I feel like I never really belonged to any one group, and I don’t honestly think that my current core attitudes, interests, goals, and values have been overly influenced by any particular fellowship. I spent most of my life feeling like the proverbial lone wolf that didn’t exactly “belong” anywhere, and I’ve moved around so much that until recently it’s been hard to associate very deeply with any one group or place. Smartphones and social media have a major impact on the way I connect with my family, friends and social groups, but I am often left with a feeling that I am even less connected using these platforms. Isn't it interesting how these tools that can connect us instantly with others can leave us feeling even more disconnected at our core, which craves for a more meaningful and tangible community? Many of us have gotten caught up in the always-on, over-subscribed, information-overloaded, continually-interrupted, "do-do-do" lifestyle that leaves us feeling stretched thin and stressed out. We seem to desire connection but feel the need to unplug in equal measure. Any of this sound familiar to you? 
 
Along with a sense of belonging to community, another important thing that’s been largely lost in today’s world is the art of using rites of passage ceremonies as a way to connect us as individuals to those greater communities and prepare us for the big life changes that life surely brings. As highlighted in Maureen McMahon’s article exploring rites of passage in the May 2018 issue of the Crazy Wisdom Community Journal there are indeed some groups using rites of passage effectively, but my own research and experiences shared by friends and colleagues show that the majority of us aren’t getting the benefit of conscious, meaningful, and personalized ceremony to ground us during times of personal transitions. Coming of age, which is a specific kind of rite of passage that gives kids a sense of belonging and clear, shared personal attitudes and values, is largely missing for many kids today and that leaves a void that can be filled by unhealthy friends and social groups. My dear friend Mara Evenstar and I formed Conscious Rites as an inclusive and intentional community organization several years ago because we believe wholeheartedly in the power of community. Through it, we create and deliver unique coming of age programs as well as conscious, meaningful, personalized rites of passage ceremonies to support people of all ages as they navigate life changes like birthing/naming, coming of age, weddings/unions, becoming new parents, life celebrations/funerals, and others. Our heartfelt goal is to bring the lost art of intentional rites of passage ceremonies back to mainstream society and help heal the wounds of disconnectedness that many feel today.

What exactly IS community in today’s culture, and how does it apply to your life? Personally, since moving to the Ann Arbor area in 2009, my “lone wolf” persona has peeled away as I’ve discovered and embraced community organizations like SUN SHEN, New Myth Works, Crazy Wisdom, the Otter Creek Lodge, the MADD Poet Society, the Serenity House of Flint, the Cancer Support Community, the Stewardship Network, the Rising Phoenix Awards, and many others. I was inspired to start the nonprofit company The Intentional Living Collective as a way to connect these awesome organizations together to better serve communities across Southeast Michigan and Northwest Ohio. I find Ann Arbor to be a unique community that attracts energetic, creative, conscious people from all over the country. My “community” is a delightfully complex set of connections to a diverse set of groups and individuals that collectively make me feel like I’ve found my home, and I find that each of those connections teaches me something new. As a result, I am learning, growing, and changing in ways I’d never have imagined. So, I ask, what is community for you?  And what do you want it to be? Consider this an open call for collaboration. Whether you’re an individual craving deeper connection with others or a representative of an organization that would like to expand and/or deepen its offerings, Mara and I would love to chat with you and see what we can create together.  You can reach us at info@consciousrites.org.

Image from BabyLifestyles.com

​What’s wrong with having a light-hearted celebration? Nothing at all. As a matter of fact, in our fast-paced world, we need to take more time to break from the regular and break out the fun. However I think we are missing a real opportunity if that is the extent of a baby shower. I guess my inner anthropologist comes out to play when I find myself contemplating after these events…now what was that all about? Was it merely an opportunity to have a party and to “shower” the new mother or new parents with gifts? Was this the best way to truly support the new parents? Having a child is a pretty big deal in and of itself. So why do these events often feel so superficial? I hazard a guess that modern baby showers have evolved into events of play and material support only, and have lost some of their original intent and meaning. They have become so secularized as to have lost a sense of the sacred. We are a culture that has sanitized two of our most sacred life events – our births and our deaths. The mother-to-be (whether first-time or no) is preparing to step into the threshold of life and death. She must enter the underworld in order to bring back her gift. This is a sacred journey for which many new mothers are ill prepared.  

We are a culture that has sanitized two of our most sacred life events – our births and our deaths.

When we gather a circle of women around a pregnant woman, and we do not make room for the sacred, we have lost a wonderful opportunity to share wisdom and deeply connect with one another. More importantly, we have lost the opportunity to truly help the mother-to-be prepare for the impending birth experience on all levels, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. All we have done is to help prepare the nursery with things.

At these modern showers, it is even frowned upon to enter into deeper conversations about what is coming, let alone allowing women to share their own birth stories. “How are you feeling?” “Are you excited?” “Are you ready?” is the closest most of us get to eliciting from a woman about to give birth how she is really feeling, and what she really feels she needs. Sharing birth stories at a shower are frowned upon, because there is concern that they might cause undue anxiety, especially for first time mothers -- as if her ignorance will spare her any difficulty. We are allowed to talk about the joy, but not the trauma and our fears. We create an oxytocin-filled fluffy, pastel bubble. And it’s a really nice place to be.  But how are we served?

We create an oxytocin-filled fluffy, pastel bubble. And it’s a really nice place to be.  But how are we served?

What if we could find relevant, contemporary ways to truly bring women’s wisdom forward at these critical times? How can we honor our bodies that perform miracles, rather than make them the butt of a joke? How can we deeply connect with one another, and through this connection, provide the mother with the support, power, and courage needed for her journey? I think it comes with intention, attention and a desire to serve life.
I am privileged to be in circles of women that truly understand these needs. This last year, the beautiful Leah was pregnant and we took the opportunity at the annual Sophia Unfolds women’s retreat that we facilitate, to offer a special ceremony and blessing for Leah, her child to come, and her family. It was powerful ceremony that was co-created on the spot by the circle of women in attendance. I asked Leah if she could provide a few words regarding her experience. Here is what she had to say:

“I was overcome with emotion being given the opportunity, through the ceremony, to feel the sheer power of the love, recognition and support for what is truly unfolding. I can't express enough gratitude for being gifted that experience. It felt so healing to me to have the gift of bringing forth light and the light coming through acknowledged and respected as the sacred miracle it truly is. And it brings up all kinds of juicy questions in me, such as, how did we move so far away from sacred in this space? How did the focus turn to the material aspects, almost completely disregarding, the phenomenal transformation and transition, the miracle we experience as women? How did we become so separated from our own divinity?” –Leah Myers
​(drawing also by Leah Myers, coloring by Mara Evenstar)

We deeply hold that with intention, we can bring deep meaning back into the most important events and transitions of our lives, and have co-created the organization, Conscious Rites, to provide inclusive and relevant Rites of Passage programs, ceremonies and rituals. A birth is an immense life passage for both mother and babe. It is a risky business that literally changes their physical forms, and impacts all levels of Being. The father, and all others with deep interest and investment also need to be seen in ways that honors the significance of this event in their lives. My hope is that the next time a “blessed event” touches you, or someone close to you; that you make room for the sacred; that you attune to the immensity of what is occurring; and that your light-hearted play be enriched with a Joy of Fullness and Connection to the great web of Life.
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By Mara Evenstar ​